I’m not going to sit in a corner this morning praying weak
prayers for God’s comfort to those families who are grieving over the murder of
a 31-year old KSP Trooper assigned to protect our county. I am angry, and I’m doing something I don’t
often do. I’m writing angry. For once, I’m speaking up in an effort that SOMEONE
will hear and take notice. And I’m going
to warn you – I will talk back if you give me smack. If you can’t take the heat, get your tail out
of this kitchen.
Friends, we have an epidemic in our society that is killing
us. I don’t care if it’s black on black,
black on white, or white on white violence.
I don’t want you telling me this life matters or that life matters. In fact, I’m sick of the whole slogan because
it is WRONG. EVERY life matters because life
does not come from ourselves but from God.
Children, regardless of color, are a gift from God (Psalms 127:3) and we
all start as children. If you want to
start labeling violence by color, then I’m going to call you a racist. When God
looks at us he does not look at the flesh but the heart! Our hearts are all the same. If you’re standing for the rights of any
color, you’re blind to the fact that we are ONE society – not divided by
color. We go to ONE school system, we
have ONE government, we nave ONE protection system, ONE work force.
It’s not even the violence that’s the problem. If you find a weed in your garden, do you
snip the weed back? No! You dig it out by the root! At the root of this problem
is a lack of respect for authority. God
has clearly said we are to be subject to our governing authorities (Romans
13:1). Yet, we do not teach that at
home.
Here’s how I see it. Little
Johnny (or Janie) gets to be a toddler.
We tell them “NO!” and they do it anyway. We smile, throw up our hands and say “Boys
will be boys”. Fantastic. Now you’ve given them an excuse rather than
punishment.
Then little Johnny throws a fit at the grocery store because
you won’t buy him candy. What do you
do? You buy him candy to shut him
up. Fantastic. Now Johnny knows that being angry will get
him anything he wants. Be sure you enjoy
it because you’ll get a replay of this behavior the next time you go shopping. Unless you decide that you just can’t take
Johnny shopping. Yes, that’s right. You can just throw your hands up and
quit. That won’t solve the problem, but
it does end your frustration…for now.
Then little Johnny is at the Doctor’s office. He refuses to share with another child one of
the toys left in the waiting room. “Johnny,
stop being selfish! I’m going to count
to three and you’d better give it back! One…two…two and a half…THREE…Johnny, I
said give it back! Just wait till I get you home!” And when you get home Johnny has worn your
nerves to the bone and you don’t have the energy to fight any more.
Respect for authority must begin in the HOME – not the
school. God said in Exodus 20:12 “Honor
your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the
land which the Lord your God is giving you.” I interpreted that a little bit different for
my kids by telling them, obey me - or you might not live so long!
There is NOTHING wrong with disciplining your children, and
EVERYTHING wrong when you will not. Proverbs 13:24 says “He who spares his rod
hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” Don’t tell me you love little Johnny and let
him walk all over you, shouting, throwing things, punching you, biting
you. Instead, give me little Johnny for
a day and I’ll give you back a child who knows that if they bite, they’ll get
their tail set on fire. And you know
what – they won’t do it again! How do I
know that to be true? My kids don’t bite
and neither do I. We want to rewrite
what discipline should be, but God has already TOLD US what it should be. Do we think somehow we are wiser than God? He said not to spare the rod. He never said to beat your child, but to
discipline them. Get a brain! It’s
swift, it’s to the point, and it’s remembered.
And not once did I leave marks on my children – that’s not discipline, that’s
abuse. You CAN discipline your children
the correct way, but only if you’re willing to listen to all knowing, all
wisdom GOD. Take a look around you at
the kids who are well behaved. How are
their parents disciplining them? I’m
betting their doing it the way God designed because I don’t know of any other
method that is as effective.
The fact of the matter is that so many want to be their kid’s
friend instead of their kid’s parent.
You don’t have that choice! And
it’s far better to be a parent than a friend, because that’s what your kids
need. Kids need boundaries if you want
them to grow up to be happy adults. If
you think they’ll respect you if you are their friend, think again!
Then little Johnny goes to school. The teacher tries to discipline little Johnny,
but all she can do is pull his “card” from green to yellow because she isn’t
allowed to make him obey her rules. She
sends him to the Principals office.
There he’s told not to do it again, and maybe the next step of
discipline is taken. He’s sent to
alternative school. My son described it
as “it’s not so bad, they even bring you your lunch!” He didn’t get to enjoy that privilege after
that. I believe this disciplinary design
was more about taking the distraction of a disobedient child out of the room
than disciplining them.
If little Johnny becomes a persistent problem in school, he
then gets suspended. Well, now that’s
just wonderful. Little Johnny can either
take to the streets and make his own way, or his parents can take him to
another county to go to school. Yes,
that’s right. It’s just like Cuba
sending their convicts to the U.S. back in the 70’s. Our school system gets those kids.
So how did Johnny go wrong?
When the teacher tried to discipline little Johnny and pulled his card,
the parent calls up the teacher and gives her what was probably the last piece
of their minds, since by that time little Johnny has torn their home up by
doing whatever he wants. And what does
the teacher do? She gives up on Johnny because she can’t deal with him, just
like the parent did.
Then little Johnny is playing ball and the coach shouts at
little Johnny. In a scene from my memory
I’ll tell you that Dad takes to the ball court and cusses out the coach. Great job Dad. You’ve now taught three lessons in one! Johnny now knows that he doesn’t have to
respect the coach, he doesn’t have to obey the rules, and he can use foul
language at the coach as well. And oh
yeah, when he comes home and gives you that foul language too – remember you
taught him and pat yourself on the back.
My kids have often had teachers and coaches they didn’t
agree with. But when they came home with
their story of Mr. or Mrs. Teacher said so-and-so, my response was for them to
speak up if they were in the right, otherwise, take the discipline! If the coach won’t play you – tough
cookies. I’m not talking to the coach
for you either. It went so far in middle
school that I actually told my son’s principle to wear his back side out the
next time he was disrespectful, or I’d come down there and do it for him. He finally did, only once, and that was the
end of his problems at school. Without consequences
to actions, no child will change.
Little Johnny becomes a teen, he gets a license to drive,
and now he’s got a curfew. But little
Johnny seems to never know what time that curfew is. You’ve told him over and over, and just as he
went out the door you said “Don’t forget – you need to be home by 11:00”. But Johnny says “I’ll be home at 12:00”. So…12:00 it is. You’re just thankful he’s setting a
curfew. But does he make it by
12:00? No! And you lie there in your bed wondering if
this is the night you’ll get the call that he’s in an accident. You lose sleep over a child that will not
obey you – and never has. Sometime
around 1:00 Johnny stumbles in, obviously under the influence of something other
than God. You tell yourself “He’s just
sowing his wild oats!” But here’s the thing.
Some of those wild oats grow up to be given names, and live in homes
without their father. Do you want that
for your grandchildren?
Consider this.
Exactly what do you think there is for a child to do around here after
11:00 at night? Now, do you want your
child doing that? Then you set a
curfew. If it’s missed, they don’t get
to drive for a week. When your teen has
to ride the bus to school, you’ll find they don’t mind a curfew at all.
Finally, little Johnny becomes Big John. He’s grown up and now out in society. Maybe by some amazing grace from God he’s now
graduated high school and he’s made it to adulthood. John gets pulled over for a DUI. When he gets to the jail, he calls home and
the parent rushes to get him out. That’s
right. Cause you know we cannot bear to
see “little Johnny” have to endure discipline.
I mean, he’s never had any! It’s
so cruel to have him locked in a cage!
Oh how I wish when parents showed up with bail money they’d lock them up
in their children’s place!
John continues down his road of rebellion, knowing now that
even the cops that pull him over aren’t going to be able to keep him. His parents will bail him out. Then one day he hurts someone. It may be a wife, a child, a police officer,
but eventually the rebellion and hellion in him grows to full fruition because
you did not pull it out by the root! Then
you cry into your pillow wondering where you went wrong. The bail is set too high now for you to
afford, and Johnny is looking at prison.
Parents, I ask you, is this the life you want for your
child? If you have a child that’s in any
part of this process of life, my question to you is – where is God in their
lives? Respect for authority begins with
respect for God. People who respect God do
not take other people’s lives. How many
murders do you see going to church? Moral
code begins with an education in who God is and who Christ is. Where do you think we got our laws from
anyhow?
My second question to you is – how’s your discipline at
home? Does your child respect you? Or do they talk back, do things you ask them
to do on their own schedule, or completely ignore you? Friends, as long as that child is in your
house, your job is to discipline them.
Even if they are taller than you – your job does not change, though the
methods of discipline will need to change.
Take the cell phone, take the keys to the car, and deny them access to
their room! I once changed out the door
knob on my daughter’s room and locked her out of it for a week because she
refused to clean it. And when she got it
back – she cleaned it without saying a word.
When she missed the bus, I took her phone. She stopped missing the bus. Without actions against bad behavior, what
you put up with will continue – and get worse!
You must do whatever it takes! Discipline them or they will bring you more
heartache than you can even bear. You
will be that parent who fears their own child entering their home in the middle
of the night. You will be that parent
that fears the phone call in the middle of the night. You will be that parent that just wishes they’d
done things differently when they had the chance.
For far too long we’ve had generations of parents who choose
not to discipline their children, or not to do it effectively. How’s that working out? Take a look at our society! Young men beating up their girlfriends. Girls aborting their babies or even worse,
killing them and throwing them in dumpsters.
Parents, for God’s sake, start teaching your children
respect for authority. Sit them
down. Explain it. They have to respect God, You, their teachers,
their coaches, the bus driver, the older people in the checkout lane, police
officers, the IRS, everyone in authority!
If they don’t learn it from home, where else will they learn it?
“He who spares his rod hates his son, But he
who loves him disciplines him promptly.” – Proverbs 13:24
One last question parents.
Do you love your child enough to demand their respect?
