Friday, November 2, 2012

Is the Relationship Worthy of Marriage: Perfect Love

Is the Relationship Worthy of Marriage: Perfect Love

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4:18

There are varying degrees of love, such as the love you have toward a friend, a sibling, a parent, and God. Before entering into the sacred relationship of marriage, a couple should carefully examine the love they share. Marital love should be a perfect love, a love that has been purified to remove all doubts, mistrusts, and contentions.

There is a common misunderstanding that in a new relationship love is pure, and then we mess it up with our actions. But the truth is that the purity of love going into a relationship has a lot to do with all the relationships before. As an example, a woman that has been cheated on is going to carry with her the emotional baggage of distrust toward men. Likewise a man that has been nagged and prodded by a woman is going to carry with him the emotional baggage of disrespect.

Understanding who you are before entering a new relationship is important, and just because you don’t have a man or woman by your side doesn’t mean you need to rush out there and find one. Singleness is NOT a sin! Let Christ repair the damage done to you by prior relationships before seeking another and you will find new relationships to be stronger.

Once in a relationship, we need to understand that our behaviors effect love, and strive to protect it from decay. The primary reason we fail to recognize love as being strong enough to endure marriage is that we allow sex to enter the relationship before marriage. (Dear friends, I know this is hard to read when you’ve been there, or are there. Please keep reading – there is good news.) Sexual intimacy before marriage is NOT God’s design. It creates a tie between the spirits of man and woman that are not supposed to be there till marriage. It clouds what is love with what is lust in the same way that a glass of pure water is changed when you drop in Kool-Aid. It is never the same.

1 Corinthians 6:18-19 says “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who isin you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? Sex before marriage is a sin against God. It takes your temple, which is the home of the Holy Spirit, into a sinful relationship. But 1 John 1:9 says “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”Read that again. Forgiveness will cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness. God can fix this if you allow Him.

Men and women, you cannot clearly identify love when sexual desire is in the picture. You will start to doubt each other with feeling of “does he really love me, or is he just after my body?” Marriage after pre-marital sex is already on a cracked foundation because the love is no longer pure. Being involved in a sexual relationship before marriage creates a bond that is only to be made with a portion of God’s Spirit between you, which is spoken of in Malachi 2:15. And when children are born out of premarital sex, an even greater problem occurs with the doubts of “is he marrying me only because of the child” and feelings that marriage must occur for the sake of the child. These doubts will decay marriage. In situations like this, do your very best men and women to relieve all doubts before agreeing to marry. And if you cannot relieve all doubts, I would suggest you not commit the sin of marriage leading to divorce on top of the sin of fornication.
Trust is another huge part of having a perfect love.  Where there are secrets, there are fears.  There can be no secrets between two who wish to become one.  True intimacy is only created when you both agree to not hide your pasts, your present, or your future.  Bank accounts, past love lives, health problems, family problems, etc… all go on the table for discussion.  Some times in doing this you do sense a fear of rejection.  But the only way to know if this relationship can stand the test of time is to try it before marriage.  Don’t be afraid to be completely open and honest in all areas of your life.

In a marriage where there is perfect love, there is peace and mutual satisfaction.   Desire and work to find this perfect state of marriage.


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